Tagged: holidays

Holiday Catalog Boyfriend

This holiday, menswear lifestyle brands  are stepping up their game and providing some serious boyfriend material—no more eye candy, these dudes are legitimate. They’ll take you sailing, fix your car, and make snow angels with your kids. Isn’t that what the holidays are all about, anyway? So much better than your idiot boyfriend. Here’s a rundown of the different fake boyfriends you can have this season:

Carhartt Boyfriend

This Dearborn, Mich.-based clothing company, known for its work and construction clothes, is really pulling out the stops this season. Their catalog, shot on location in Alaska, features real men, working outside, posing in form-fitting, fashionable outfits. Your Carhartt boyfriend is rugged; he probably kills his own meat (like Zuckerberg!) and can start a fire from a pile of twigs. He’s a little rough around the edges, and his hands are probably calloused—but he’s not too manly to use your fancy hand lotion. Get to know him over at Jezebel, where the full spread is available for perusal.

LL Bean Boyfriend

Your LL Bean boyfriend might hail from the wilds of Maine, but he’s nowhere near as rugged as your Carhartt boyfriend. He will, however, take you kayaking, lobstering, and know where all the good places to pick blueberries are so that you can then bake a pie. He’s a little more polished, but he still wears old jeans. But his shirts are usually monogrammed. He loves the great outdoors but also cares about making sure his leather boots stay fresh. He is, of course, guaranteed to last.

J. Crew Boyfriend

This guy is a class act. Your J. Crew boyfriend always wears nice suits. He might look rugged, but he’s more comfortable drinking cocktails at brunch than shooting deer in the woods. He does enjoy athletic pursuits, but is just as likely to take you to an art museum than invite you on a hike. He loves to color coordinate, has a keen sense of style, and his hair always looks great (he uses Kiehl’s religiously). Don’t step on his shoes.

Brooks Brothers Boyfriend 

This is the rarest form of the fake holiday catalog beau, and by far the fanciest: The Brooks Brothers Boyfriend. If you join an Ivy League Alumni association, you might be able to spot him. He works crazy long hours, but he will take you to the ballet. He loves to go skiing, horseback riding, and unlike the other fake boyfriends, loves golf. His cufflinks are monogrammed, and he’s probably a Jr. or III.